as i said in my last blog, i went to the political debate camp city on the hill for all of last week.
amazing experience, but rather than telling you about it directly, i’ll explain it through other means – every night before going to bed i forced myself to write a “journal” entry, at least a legal pad-page long. so i’ll just type them up and let them explain the week themselves.
i find the fluctuation of my thought’s attitude to be fascinating as the week progresses and things continue to occur.
the following entries were written the night of the day indicated, unless identified otherwise.
journal
day 1, sunday (july 19th)
realized i’m not quite the same person as last year. more mature, but quieter and more reserved. there’s one – chad – who reminds me of the me i used to be. i guess there can only be one. one day in, and i feel strangely at ease. it’s an uncomfortable apathy, i think. maybe. it’s the kind of calm i wish i could break out of, into…anything else. some kind of enthusiasm. i feel helplessly defiant. the day i fully understand myself with be a glorious day. at lesat the food is good. i hope elijah and katie are enjoying themselves. what i need is something big – something major. some kind of epiphany or grand enlightenment. something powerful enough to get me back on track, and hopefully headed in the right direction. what more can i do but pray and wait for God’s call?
day 2, monday (july 20th)
so i was really thinking about the lack of enthusiasm i’ve suffered. after a lot of thought on the matter i linked it to my lack of initiative. i originally planned, this week, to lay low and just enjoy myself and my week. what i discovered through self-examination is that i cannot stay enthused while maintaining such an attitude. so i challenged myself. i’m running for the office of president pro tempore! the moment i first decided this, that familiar passion from last year filled me again. i’m very, very excited. this is what i’m supposed to be doing, i’m sure of it. the most i can do is grab hold of every opportunity presented to me, and i’ve made a committment to do just that for the rest of the week. no more laying low. no more crippling apathy. i’m on fire, baby, and i love it. i’d like to see someone try and hold me back. the people here are amazing. i’ve remembered why i love this place so much.
day 3, tuesday morning (july 21th)
up early. bob flowers: awesome name, awesome man. i’ve got a lot to do today, none of which i’m sure of what it is. all i know is that i’m going to barrel into any challenge head-on. lots of politicking to do today. i hate politicking. i just want to meet people and be friends, and when i politick i feel insincere and slimy. yuck yuck yuck. at least the food is good. i’m still exhilarated for what’s going to happen this week and what’s already happened. i’m starting to gain a true understanding of what’s really important. and especially what’s not.
day 3, tuesday night (july 21th)
i won! …the nomination. i’m officially the majority party’s presedential nominee. elections are tomorrow morning. woo! i don’t have time to sleep. i’ve got three bills to research (and three arguments to write,) a nomination speech to compose, an election to campaign for, and a resolution to propose (along with a second to co-ordinate through another senator.) and…i’m being forced to bed. nyugh. tomorrow’s schedule is packed up to the elections. this calls for some illegal after-hour studying and writing. jeepers…and if i win the election, then i have presidential duties to worry about! organizing bill order, nominating chairmen and vices, and moderating the senate floor at the end of the week…it’s gonna be some heck of a ride. but no regrets! i’m committed and passionate. this whole look before you leap thing…it’s invigorating. i’m running out of energy, methinks. hopefully i can get enough momentum that i can carry myself through the elections, then i can crash. yeah. i’ll tell myself that. this week is going better than i could have ever planned. the people i’ve met i know i’ll have a lasting friendship with at the end of the week. and my fellow alumni…we’re closer than ever before. i like the way this is going.
day 4, wednesday (july 22th)
i did it! the real thing this time. i’m the newly-elected president pro tempore. i can feel my hairs graying already. updated to-do list: finalize one resolution, compose another, organize arguments for two bills, and, well, stay awake long enough to argue them. all by noon tomorrow, with a capitol tour in the morning to boot. i guess i’ll be up at 6:30 again, write until breakfast, and hopefully be able to finish up on the ride to harrisburg. after committee hearings tomrrow i’ll have to organize the bill order for the senate floor on friday, and make sure i’m wise to the necessary political jargon before i take the podium. great thing today: even though the legislators are still working on the state budget, they’ve agreed to adjourn for the weekend so that we can use the committee rooms tomorrow and the senate floor on friday. thank you, Lord! i’m so excited, i’m giddy. tomorrow, suit and tie…finally in my element. i’m losing my ability to think straight thanks to lack of sleep. it’s about 1am. i’m hoping for 5 hours of sleep. that’ll be great. almost got homesick today. i never get homesick. yech. i do miss my family and my friends. i want a good, long hug from somebody. but no time for that. i’ve got bills to dissect. committee hearings are at 1pm. i’d better be ready. i’ve gotta concentrate. stay focused, passionate. like i told myself and everyone else i would. responsibility can be exhausting. what else is new. good night.
day 5, thursday (july 23th)
dead tired. it’s 2:30 or 3. just finished some final preparations for the senate tomorrow. the big day is finally here. up at 6:30 to do more prep work. my eyes are bloodshot. 
good. night!
day 6, sunday (july 24th)
with all said and done, this was an amazing, incredible, phenomenal, enlightening, humbling, invigorating week. senate today was smooth, i am happy to say. my back is still sore from standing up for 6 hours, though. but it was great. the harrisburg capital – and the senate floor – truly is a spectacular place. afterwards was the awards banquet and all related pleasantries. right now it’s a bit past 4am and i guess getting some sleep before breakfast at 8 would be a good idea.
i’m happy with this week. but…even as president, i felt it wasn’t good enough – that i could have done better. there had to be more i could’ve done, i keep thinking. maybe my insatiable desire to do something greater just doesn’t know when to let up. maybe it’s just my paranoia, but i felt there were some people who thought i either didn’t deserve what i had or wanted it for the wrong reasons. this frustates me to no end, but i refuse to let it get in the way of the fact that i had an absolutely life-changing experience this week. i love these people so much. leaving is going to be the hardest thing i’ve done in a long while. …good night.
